My Adult Kids are Back Home – Again !!!
It is becoming more common for adult children to return to live at home and they are likely to partly depend on their parents financially. We call them our new generation of Boomerang Children. The major reasons our kids decide to return home include:
- Support, security and the company of their parents.
- Cheaper, so they can save for their future.
- Services are provided by parents, such as housework, meals, washing, ironing
- Breakdown of their relationship
Are there advantages for our children to leave? Yes there are numerous including:
- Learning to take full responsibility for themselves
- Practise caring for their own needs such as washing, cooking, shopping and cleaning .
- Learning financial responsibility
- Becoming self-responsible and an independent adult
Children of step-parent families and single parent families are more likely to leave home at an earlier age and not return. A small, yet new and interesting rise is found in the number of young adults who move back home with their parents and bring a partner with them When our children return to the nest it can be a mix of happiness, fear or dread that you are now again responsible for their upkeep and care. A delicate new set of household dynamics comes into play when our adult children return. This transition can be more easily managed by following these guidelines 1. Set clear rules Do you want or expect rent, household tasks need to be shared including cooking, washing and cleaning, language and behaviour rules to apply. 2. Respect your kids’ choices and independence Although you may not agree with your adult son or daughters’ choices in their career or personal life, if you’re both going to coexist peacefully, it’s in your best interest to allow adult kids to live their own independent lives without judgment. 3. Set financial boundaries Depending on the reason they have moved back it is wise to set some financial boundaries. If they are living rent free or cheaply, then spending all their money on whatever, this is not going to serve them well to regain their independence. While living at home ask to see their bank statements and if they are found to be financially unskilled, get them help so they can learn financial management. 4. Set new roles for each person in the household Things are never the same when your adult child returns home, They have been independent so we need to ensure they remain this way. Set a roster or list of household tasks and they stay only if they abide by the rules of the home. They are an adult and should no longer expect you to care for them as a child. 5. Discuss boundaries with friends Our kids are generally social. Ensure you set clear guidelines regarding their friends or casual sleepover buddies. If they do not like the rules you impose, they can move into their own place and set their own rules but if they live with you and you are not comfortable waking to the breakfast table with a stranger in their underwear looking up at you over their morning coffee, then make sure the rules are clear as to what you will or will not accept. Same goes for loud music and conversations till al hours. If you are a parent whose children return home, perhaps you may need to stop making it such a great place to live. If you are a parent that really enjoys the company of your child then make the most of their presence, they are likely to pack and go again, as they should.