Conscious Un-coupling

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Leaving Your Relationship the right way

There can be a hundred reasons to leave your relationship and the absolute best way is when both partners decide their relationship is ending and both make a conscious decision to un-couple.

The eight most common reasons people choose to separate from their current partner can include:

  1. Trust has been broken
  2. Interests are so wide apart the partners have less in common than more
  3. Differing ideas on children and parenting
  4. Religious variances
  5. Problems with their family
  6. Goals are imbalanced
  7. You prefer to spend time away from your partner rather than with them
  8. Sex is no longer wanted or enjoyed

When each partner can discuss how they feel and make a conscious decision to move apart, it is easy. The problem is, this only occurs less than 5% of the time, meaning most all of us experience a difficult and heartbreaking separation.

Wherever you are positioned, once you make that decision to move on there are positive ways to manage this transition.

If you have tried to explain your feelings and situation to your partner yet they are unable or unwilling to understand then meeting in a Counselling Professional’s office can sometimes be a safe environment to enable your partner to understand you want to remove yourself from the relationship. Couples in a Counselling office can often be more open and honest and certainly be heard. So often we may try to speak or explain to our partner what it is we want, need or desire yet they have not heard us or not willing to understand us.

What is the reason most of us finally decide to leave that unhappy relationship? We may have tolerated our partner, their behaviour, family or friends for so long, we simply are unable to tolerate it any more and make a conscious decision to start fresh.

Once we have made that decision to proceed with our separation plan we can develop an inspirational path toward the next phase of our life.

Most breakups result in one partner being devastated or angry. When a relationship ends, we experience a loss. We go through a mourning process, mourning the loss of our relationship or life we once had. As we move through the mourning process, we find most couples are at different stages. Usually, one partner has made the decision to leave and has already started processing this action while the other partner remains at ground zero perhaps not even realising their partner is about to walk. Hence the considerable difference in processing time once the separation occurs.

This is usually the reason one person becomes so angry. The stages of loss are shock, disbelief, bargaining on how to repair of correct it, anger it is over before acceptance and we can move on. When both partners are at different stages, this is often where animosity enters.

When we are the person deciding to move forward and into a new life direction it can feel free, empowering and exciting. We have hopefully learnt a lot from the life or relationship we had and can take these lessons into our next phase of life.

  1. Advise your partner of your plans and the reasons
  2. Make a Counselling appointment to ensure your partner understands your decision to end the relationship and why
  3. Advice family and friends so they can support both of you during this transition time
  4. Start setting new goals and plans for yourself
  5. Imagine in your mind what your new life will look like as when we can imagine, it can more quickly become real
  6. Ensure you set the steps to reach the goal, as setting a goal may never eventuate without the correct steps

Full article from GetIt Magazine 

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